Friday, October 10, 2008

And We're Freaking Back!

Fact #18 - Kiki owns an electric violin. Once a week, she spikes her hair, gets out her leopard vest, and recreates the Timothy Busfield scene in Revenge of the Nerds. So awesome!

Author's note - I "ran" into Kiki last night and we got to talking and she was totally fine with Kiki Facts making a limited run comeback. Here's how it went down.

Hey, Kiki.

(to her friends)
Just keep walking.

I think I want to start up Kiki Facts again.

Leave me alone, creep.

Thanks for your blessing. New one tomorrow. I hope you'll read.

I'm calling 9-1-1.

You have a good evening, too.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

This Is The End

Fact #17 - Kiki knows how to file a restraining order, apparently.

Author's note - Fellow Kiki Enthusiasts, it is a sad day and I will be done with updates to this blog. Rather than speculate what Kiki is up to from 100 feet away and posting what may be an untruth, I will move on to better things (unless someone has a pair of binoculars they can lend me). So, know that I appreciate everyone that stopped by. I ask you to truly know that. Alas, I can't type anymore. It's too painful. I'm not mad at you, Kiki. How can I stay mad at that face to the right over there? -->

Friday, June 6, 2008


Fact #16 - Kiki loves the words of Hanson's biggest hit so much that they make up her favorite quote on Facebook. This is so impressive because, while some people stab themselves in the ear when the song comes on (Ear stabbings have been up tremendously since June 1997.) and the rest of us with ears intact can't get past the stupid chorus, Kiki hears the words. She hears the message and she shares it with all of us. Can't we all just plant a seed or a flower or a rose?

Thursday, June 5, 2008


Fact #15 - Kiki's heart breaks whenever she sees a plastic bag floating in the wind. So thanks a lot, Department of Sanitation. Way to break Kiki's heart almost every day.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Erin Go Kiki

Fact #14 - Kiki went to Dublin on the Study Abroad Program in college. She picked Dublin because they spoke English and liked to drink. I would add something humorous here but I think it stands on its own.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Fact #13 - Kiki played Ado Annie, the girl who "cain't say no," in her Junior High production of "Oklahoma!" Her performance was so magical that the The Doings: Western Springs Edition had the words "an inspiration" somewhere in their pages. Also, in what can only be attributed to the infectious spirit of Kiki's character, four middle school girls got themselves pregnant that night.*

* Four middle school girls get pregnant every day but, on that night, this author likes to think it was Kiki's greatness that ruined four lives.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Almost MTV

Fact #12 - Kiki hosted a talk show on her local cable station where they would play music videos and give local bands a chance to show their stuff. She was like the Vanessa Minnillo of Western Springs, Illinois.

Special Thanks to Kiki, herself, for the correction.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Rescue Them

Fact #11 - Kiki is captain of the VH1 Fire Safety Team which means she is responsible for getting Scott Baio, Mystery and one of either Danny Bonaduce, New York, or Bret Michaels to safety.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The River Wild

Fact #10 - Kiki spent seven days in a raft maneuvering her way through the Grand Canyon with only a pocket knife, a can of creamed corn, a half-completed New York Times crossword puzzle, and a savvy, monkey companion.

CORRECTION - My crack team of fact checkers has informed me that all that's true except you can replace the pocket knife, the can of creamed corn, and the half-completed New York Times crossword puzzle with Kiki's family. We are still trying to confirm the savvy, monkey companion. Frankly, this author's going to be pretty upset if there wasn't a savvy, monkey companion.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Oregon Trail

Fact #9 - Kiki loves traveling with settlers from Independence, Missouri to Oregon's Willamette Valley. Wanna join her? Too bad, suckface. You don't live in the year 1848. Hold on. Do you have a Facebook page? Then, you can join her. I take back the "Too bad, suckface."

Thursday, May 29, 2008


Fact #8 - Kiki earned the level of blue belt while taking karate when she was younger which is much more impressive than, say, buying a blue belt at

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

"I Don't Like The Cut Of Your Jib"

Fact #7 - Kiki can mean that both literally and figuratively. She taught sailing at a summer camp in Wisconsin. Also, she's very suspicious of people. In conclusion, watch your foresail and watch your back.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Wheel! Of! Fortune!

Fact #6 - Kiki's sister, Kelsey, won 17000 dollars on College Week. That should be just enough money to wash the Sajak off of her.

Side Note - Tens of thousands of Americans have gone home from being on Wheel of Fortune without winning anything. They have no way to remove the residue left from the Pat Sajak-arm-around-the shoulder-"The wheel was tough on you"-good-bye (a.k.a. "The Sajak Attack"). But, there's something you can do. For just one dollar, you can make a difference in a former contestant's life. Go to the following website to find out more.

Monday, May 26, 2008


Fact #5 - Kiki is a Sagittarius but you could probably tell that from her positive outlook on life and how she's so full of energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Dahh DaDa Dahhhhh Dah Da Dahhh

Fact #4 - Kiki is the proud owner of one of only 250,000 virtual Indiana Jones fedoras on Facebook. She's like a lottery winner.

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Fact #3 - Kiki will, in fact, be your huckleberry. (Without the TB and Alcoholism)

Friday, May 23, 2008


Fact #2 - Kiki likes to read books and not just any books; the ones we all didn't read in High School English class.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Colonial Williamsburg

Fact #1 - Kiki wants to go to Colonial Williamsburg more than anyone you know. Anyone.